Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and opens your heart and it means someone can get inside and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up a whole wall of armor for years, so nothing can hurt you. Then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside of you and eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like 'maybe we can just be friends' or 'how very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working it's way into your hear, it hurts, not just the imagination, not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.
Love is a strange thing, Not even a thing, perhaps. One moment it's there, next it's gont. Sometimes bringing tears, sometimes a smile. Most times a soft funny feeling in the pit of your stomach. Love is not an object, but a feeling. Not touched, only felt. Those lucky few, who in their lifetimes get to know its touch very well, are a truly lucky few. Love is a blessing. The realization that you have fallen in love is the strongest emotion to ever overcome a human soul, bringing such happiness that cannot be drowned in any kind of sorrow. Remember those whom you have loved forever, even if in the end you lost. True love knows no limit, it is forever, always.
After awhile you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security, And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises, And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child, And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for paths. After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So plant your garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure... That you really are strong, And you really do have worth.
Life isn't about keeping score. It's not about how many people call you and it's not about who you've dated, are dated, or haven't dated at all. It isn't about who you've kissed, what sport you play, or which guy or girl likes you. It's not about your shoes or your hair or the color of your skin or where you live or where you go to school. In fact it's not about grades, money, clothes or colleges that accept you or not. Life isn't about if you have lots of friends, or if you are alone, and it's not about how accepted or unaccepted you are. Life just isn't about that. But life is about who you love and who you hurt. It's about how you feel about yourself. It's about trust, happiness and compassion. It's about sticking up for your friends and replacing inner hate with love. Life is about avoiding jealousy, overcoming ignorance, and buidling confidence. It's about what you say and what you mean. Its about seeing people for who they are and not what they have. Most of all, it is about choosing to use your life to touch someone else's in a way that could never have been achieved otherwise. These choices are what life's about
So, here I sit thinking how lucky I am to have found you. People always say that when you meet the love of your life, you just know and this I know, you are the love of my life. You've taught me so much about life, honesty, forgiveness, relationships, courage, strength, happiness, and love. You are the best person to walk into my life and one I pray will never walk out. You have taught me how to make the best of each day. How to thank God each day that you were brought into my life. I know I have to work to keep you here, but whatever it takes, for you, I'll do. You've taught me a lot about honesty. You hurt me when you've lied and I hurt you. But we learned from our mistakes and our lies, we forgave each other and we moved on. You've taught me so much about relationships, you've taught me about the healthy ones, the bad ones, and the ones I should have. You've helped me sort out my life, and realize I am a worthwhile person. You've taught me more about courage and strength than anyone I know. 'Cause there have been times when I know you were holding on by a thread. There were times when you wanted nothing more than to be held and loved. God baby, I know these last couple of months have definitely not been the easiest. You've had to deal with a totally different and more complicated life. I know this hasn't been easy. You taught me so much about being there for someone, about pain and needing someone. I will never forget the times that I held you and you cried in my arms, you let it all go and told me you needed me. I will never feel more loved than those moments. 'Cause that's when I realized my life was inevitably intertwined with yours. That no matter where I went from here, no matter how tough things got, we could get through them. That was when I realized I needed you and you needed me beyond what we could comprehend. That's how you taught me about true love. You've taught me what love is, what it takes, and how it feels. I can never show you just how much I love you and how much you mean to my life and my heart, but I am going to spend the rest of my life trying to show you just how much you have meant to me. And even though I know I can never even come close to explaining how deeply, truly, and completely I love you, I promise you this, I will die trying. I love you.
I walk around with a smile on my face all day, but inside I'm frowning and wishing you would understand. I give you a friendly hug, and I remember when those hugs meant something more to you. I pretend to like this new girl, but I hate her. She took you away from me and now I want to die. I can't compare to her because shes so beautiful. She's your everything and she's as close to perfect as it gets. So, while you think we're still good friends, I'll be crying every night. You might think I'm happy, but I'm not going to be ok.